View Profile PikeyPaige
Former frontperson of Merkin, Registered Offender, Dane DeLucchi and the Hitmakers, Danejer and The Strips. Actor with IMA Content and The Almond Talent Agency. Published author of "Problems Noir" Blazing Hearts Publishing LGBTQ novels.

Pikey Paige @PikeyPaige

31, Female



Joined on 10/14/20

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Not a Poem

Posted by PikeyPaige - 2 days ago

I am entranced by the shadow cast from the tattered quill of my pen as it dances beneath the low candle light

 The sun has yet to rise and I don’t know why I am up already.

Somewhere, the remains of a robin’s egg that was eaten by a blue jay is never thought of once by any sentient being.

 There’s a book on the coffee table on acting that features Tennessee Williams whom I’ ve never read, but am pretty sure that I’ve said I have read him before to someone…Pretty damn sure.

 Next to the book there’s this blackened mannequin head that holds a matted brown wig that I should have retired in April.

 There’s this copperish looking mold that is growing in the bottom of a half pint mason jar that I left under the kitchen sink. The jar stinks like an exotic French cheese and glistens with vermiculite that sort of looks like the fool’s gold grandpa and I found in the shallow parts of a manmade river just outside of Sacramento.

 Damn those little black clips that you use to keep potato chips fresh!

I stepped on one with the foot that’s been giving me problems and I looked foolish - like a religious zealot, walking across hot coals to prove to natives that the Christian God is better.

 Today, I put jasmine rice in an empty can of Café Bustelo to use as an ashtray, even though I’ve been out of cigarettes since Sunday. After that, I bought some dollar-store foundation that is made for black women and then an old friend gave me a carpet that you can’t vacuum.

 I’m wearing a blouse the size and color of a dinner napkin that you’d see in an old Italian restaurant just off the Las Vegas main drag - you know, the ones with the empty bottles of Chianti hanging from the ceiling and the pictures of people who were important when they weren’t dead.

 I’ve spent some time naming the children I will never have and picking out their star signs – Birth order. Etc.

 I finally chose a less than ideal HMO but forgot to mail the paperwork to the state before the deadline.

 I lost count of the hours I’ve spent dreading the 20 minutes worth of chores that life obligates me to today, and have resolved to put it off until tomorrow. Nothing stinks yet.

I guess all nightmares are dreams but not the other way around.


Comments (6)


Sounds rough. Uninsured living is great when you can stay healthy. It's like not having a kid, you save so much money. When you come to find out that health you've been neglecting has come back for child support, well, you knew the devil was gonna get his due. I can't tell you how hard it was to get past the feeling of needing to put off things so I could do things. I can't tell you, cause I don't know. I'm not past the feeling. I still put things off. What else could I do with such little energy? But I'll have the energy after a nice long nap. Don't forget nose-blindness is real. The longer you ignore it, the easier it becomes to ignore. You've got to break the habit for you cause it's those habits that form your routines, and your routines forms your experiences and your experiences form who you are as a person, and right now your a person with a moldy jar under your sink and no energy to deal with it because your bad habits have led you to this moment. But this is a moment of reflection as much as creation. You can reflect on why moving in the right direction causes you so much anxiety that you stop moving right before you've gotten to the good part. The part where you can look around and take in the value of a clean home where there are no more chip clips on the floor to step on. Where is it stemming from, and when you answer that, then you can ask yourself how you can work around that. Or ask someone else. You can't always find answers within, but when you do, they often prompt more questions about yourself to follow. Feel safe to ask them freely. You aren't done aging which means you aren't done learning. Learn about yourself to conquer yourself when it's you standing in the way of your own sense of self worth. The path you walk is the same one you've been walking, it doesn't matter how many times you turn around if you're still following the same rut. Do something new, and incorporate that into your new repertoire of things to do. Keep adding until those bad habits no longer have room in your day to day. It's a slow process, but you know that. It's hard, but you know that. But I know that you know that you can make it happen. You've done it before, right? You can break out again.

Thanks for the advice. I don’t have jars with mold under my sink. The whole thing is made up, just seeing where my thoughts go to from moment to moment




@davada @PikeyPaige I can think of a few things the moldy jars could be metaphors in my own life. I hardly expect anyone to have it literally XD This was less advice, and more an attempt to meet art artistically. Probably doesn't look like that in the form of a paragraph, but there's some rhythm there. Just didn't feel like moving my finger toward the "enter" key.